Sunday, October 21, 2012

China Writes

*Sneaky remote blog post from Shanghai... Let's see if this works.*

First things first, what is with those Cards???  Holy freaking hell!  I am little nervous about the games in SF now, but I will tell you that me being in China seems to be a huge good luck charm, if last year was any indication.  You're welcome.  I'M DOING THIS FOR THE TEAM.

Second things, here I am in stinky Shanghai, sick with an effing cold again.  Today commenced the coughing-stuff-up phase, which I recognize as the nail in my viral coffin.  So the end of this junk is nigh.  But the Swedish girls here at the office must think I'm a total lame-o.  I have done just about nothing since I arrived last Monday.  I even cancelled (after buying a 30 dollah-ish ticket) on some brunch party yesterday.  L-A-M-E.  But today I am feeling better.  I am going out to dinner!  And I may have a glass-of-chardonnay-alone-in-my-room-style pre-party soon.  Better to sit here and drink by myself than sit down at the honkey-filled bar and deflect/ignore the lecherous gazes of businessmen.  Seriously.  These men are looking for trouble and good to go.  I shudder every time I see one with a short-skirted, high-booted, ill-spoken Asian women, tarted up and taught to please.  I always look for his wedding ring because then I want to draw a defiant visual line from his ring to his eyes to shame him.  Or at least to let him know that I know.  But usually hands are in pockets and, well, I'm not gonna teach any lessons, it's true.  But BOO on YOU, Mister Businessman! 

What else?  There is a woman called "Vapour" at the local (well, the closest of the four that are within a block of my hotel) Starbucks.  And today I spotted a girl calling herself "Easy" at a retailer that shall go unnamed.  There is photographic proof of the latter on my Instagram.  The Sneaky Nametag Cam strikes again!

I have gone absolutely apeshit for the Uniqlo premium lightweight down coats and jackets.  Seriously.  I have been in the store three times now, and three of my family members will be receiving one of the models for xmas.  (Disclaimer: one of the family members is me.  But still.)  I want to throw them out Oprah-style when I am home for Christmas, "You get a down jacket!  YOU get a down jacket!  YOOOU get a down jacket!!"

I saw a Bichon Frise with a blow out and a long-sleeved/panted "denim" overall suit lift its leg on the side of a marble mall yesterday.  It was a Hee-Haw/AKC/Dog Whisperer convergence... oh man, I wish you could have SEEN it.  Unfortunately, I couldn't get the Embarrassing Animal Outfits Cam out in time (OK, this is the same as the Sneaky Nametag Cam and they're both just an iPhone), but I assure you this ranks in the top 3 of all the crazy animal shit I've seen in Asia.  A moment pulled right from my dreams.

I have been up and down Nanjing Road West (back and forth to Uniqlo...) and keep passing the same legless beggars.  But there are no crutches nearby.  So I wonder who is dropping them there?  Is there a beggar van that drives the beggar carpool in the mornings and evenings?  I imagine you could really load it up, what with legroom being unnecessary.  I assume the legless beggar van gets 'em all made up (i.e., properly dirtied) and coaches them in proper moaning techniques, too.  I saw one today, a legless lady beggar, in what looked to be a wheelbarrow with some sort of plastic-mic'ed karaoke hook-up.  She was warbling some classic Chinese jams for cash.  Now this is a beggar with initiative!  I almost gave her some money myself!  But her song kind of sucked.  

So ta-ta for now!  I am looking forward to continuing to feel better and to getting home at the end of next week.  See you laters!